SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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