If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
