margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
