And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to make a zoo with you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
