The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
