Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
