I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
