Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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