You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize