While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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