Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
