I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
