I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
