He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
