apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
