I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
