TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
