It's like God shit irony all over that family
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
