I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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