You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
