I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
