I skipped work to stalk him.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
