Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
