Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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