We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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