I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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