I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize