your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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