so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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