At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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