I CAN MOONWALK!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
