god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
