Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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