Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
send nudes
from the living room?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
