There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
