Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
