She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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