i think i have herpe
just one?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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