I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
