nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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