I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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