went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
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No...this little piggys going to the bar
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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