Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
