u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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