Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
