i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
