I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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