Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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