I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
