tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
