In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
