woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
