i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
