i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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