she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
