every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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