we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
