i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
