Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
