A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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