I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
