Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
