Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
