I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Randomize
