K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize