and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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