i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
