Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
