ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
