pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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