Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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