Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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