Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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