I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
