So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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