I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
